Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, "Where are you going?" My wife said, "I must be late, everyone is all coming back!"

A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?