When you battle with your conscience and lose, you win.
A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!
Are you married? What do you do for agravation?
Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.
Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, "Huh. I lost 100 pounds!"
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.