Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!

My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.

Doctor says to a man, "You're pregnant!" The man says, "How does a man get pregnant?" The doctor says, "The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner...."

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

Some people play a horse to win, some to place. I should have bet this horse to live.

Take my wife... Please!