A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, "Can I park here?" "No" says the cop. "What about all these other cars?" "They didn't ask!"

My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.

I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can't wait to exchange.

I was just in London - there is a 6 hour time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.

I went out with a girl last night. She wasn't a Lana Turner. She was more of a stomach turner.

Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.