A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, "Can I park here?" "No" says the cop. "What about all these other cars?" "They didn't ask!"

I don't fly on account of my religion. I'm a devout coward.

Let's get up here before we get killed!

In a blackout, a Polish man was stuck on an escalator for two hours. I asked him, "Why didn't you walk down?" He said, "because I was going up!"

Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.

The Doctor says, "You'll live to be 60!" "I AM 60!" "See, what did I tell you?"

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.