A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says, "You're crazy" The man says, "I want a second opinion!" "Okay, you're ugly too!"

I don't fly on account of my religion. I'm a devout coward.

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

A little Jewish Grandma is at the Florida coast with her little Jewish Grandson. The grandson is playing on the beach when a big wave comes and washes the kid out to sea. The lifeguards swim out, bring him back to shore, the paramedics work on him for a long time, pumping the water out, reviving him. They turn to the Jewish Grandma, and say, we saved your grandson. The little Jewish Grandma says, He had a hat!

I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.

We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.

Now, the band that inspired that great saying, "Stop The Music!!"