A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says, "You're crazy" The man says, "I want a second opinion!" "Okay, you're ugly too!"

While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.

A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?