A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says, "You're crazy" The man says, "I want a second opinion!" "Okay, you're ugly too!"

The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.

All my wife does is shop - once she was sick for a week, and three stores went under.

A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, "Can I park here?" "No" says the cop. "What about all these other cars?" "They didn't ask!"

In a blackout, a Polish man was stuck on an escalator for two hours. I asked him, "Why didn't you walk down?" He said, "because I was going up!"

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.