A man calls a lawyer's office. The phone is answered, Schwartz, Schwartz, Schwartz and Schwartz. The man says, Let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. I'm sorry, he's on vacation. Then let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. He's on a big case, not available for a week. Then let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. He's playing golf today. Okay, then, let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. Speaking.

A guy complains of a headache. Another guy says, Do what I do. I put my head on my wife's bosom, and the headache goes away. The next day, the man says, Did you do what I told you to? Yes, I sure did. By the way, you have a nice house!

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.

Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.

Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.

The more I think of you, the less I think of you.