A man calls a lawyer's office. The phone is answered, Schwartz, Schwartz, Schwartz and Schwartz. The man says, Let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. I'm sorry, he's on vacation. Then let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. He's on a big case, not available for a week. Then let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. He's playing golf today. Okay, then, let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. Speaking.

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.

Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

My wife has a black belt in shopping.

A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living."

When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, "Give me a table near a waiter."