When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.

A man calls a lawyer's office. The phone is answered, Schwartz, Schwartz, Schwartz and Schwartz. The man says, Let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. I'm sorry, he's on vacation. Then let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. He's on a big case, not available for a week. Then let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. He's playing golf today. Okay, then, let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. Speaking.

If I had blood, I'd blush.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!