I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
Three weeks ago, she learned how to drive. Last week she learned how to aim it.
A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"
His motto is "Love Thy Neighbor". His neighbor is an 18 year old hooker.
My brother-in-law had to give up his last job because of illness. His boss became sick of him.
My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.