When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. "Peanuts. Popcorn."

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.

I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, "Which way do I go?" But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...

Old teachers never die, they just grade away.

A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?