I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.

I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.

The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

A little man is running a jewelry store. A man runs in saying, Okay, take my watch, put on a new band, install a new battery, clean the case, install a new crystal, and tune it up. I will be back in a half hour for it. Thanks! and runs out the door. The little jeweler says, C-C-C-Come in?