I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, "Which way do I go?" But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...

The more I think of you, the less I think of you.

I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.

2 Guys in a health club, one is putting on pantyhose. "Since when do you wear pantyhose?" "Since my wife found it in the glove compartment!"

I've got enough money to last the rest of my life ... as long as I die about four o'clock this afternoon.

My son is 21. He'll be 22 if I let him.

The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!