Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I was a bottle baby.
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
If I had blood, I'd blush.
He doesn't get ulcers - he gives them.
A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.