I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.

Nurse: "Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office". Doctor: "Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in."

During the war an Italian girl saved my life. She hid me in her basement in Cleveland.

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I was a bottle baby.

Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.

2 Jewish women in New York. One says, "Do you see what's going on in Poland?" The other says, "I live in the back, I don't see anything."