Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'
On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
The patient says, "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." "Then don't do that!"
A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started.