I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.

My horse's jockey was hitting the horse. The horse turns around and says "Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!"

I was just in London - there is a 6 hour time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.

Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.

Nurse: "Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office". Doctor: "Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in."

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

I came home, the car was in the dining room. "How did you get the car in here?" "Easy, I took a left at the kitchen."