I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.

The food on the plane was fit for a king. "Here, King!"

My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.

Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!

I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.

The more I think of you, the less I think of you.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.