I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.

During the war an Italian girl saved my life. She hid me in her basement in Cleveland.

Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.

I've got two wonderful children - and two out of five isn't too bad.

She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, "Tut, Tut!"

Nurse: "Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office". Doctor: "Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in."

College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.