I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.

I live about four muggings from Central Park.

Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!

"What's the latest dope on Wall Street?" "My son!"

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did

I came home, the car was in the dining room. "How did you get the car in here?" "Easy, I took a left at the kitchen."

I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in.