Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'
I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.
Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.