Those bellhops in Miami are tip-happy. I ordered a deck of playing cards and the bellboy made fifty-two trips to my room.

He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.

I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.

A priest is sent to Alaska. A bishop goes up to visit one year later. The bishop asks, How do you like it up here? The priest says, If it wasn't for my Rosary, and 2 martinis a day, I'd be lost. Bishop, would you like a martini? Yes. Rosary, get the bishop a martini!

Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.

Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?