Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.

My wife lost all her credit cards, but I'm not going to report it. Whoever found them spends less than she does!

I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'

I know a guy who had his doctor say, "Take some weight off, go to a health club." The man lost 20 pounds in one week! The machine tore his leg off!

When it comes to work, there are many who will stop at nothing.