I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.

Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I was a bottle baby.

Was that suit made to order? Where were you at the time?

Farrah's dressing room was next to mine. There was a little hole in the wall. I let her look.

I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?

I just made a killing in the stock market -- I shot my broker.