I've got enough money to last the rest of my life ... as long as I die about four o'clock this afternoon.
I just made a killing in the stock market -- I shot my broker.
How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'
He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
When you battle with your conscience and lose, you win.
Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.