Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
Henny YoungmanSome people play a horse to win, some to place. I should have bet this horse to live.
Henny YoungmanA drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started.
Henny Youngman