2 Guys in a health club, one is putting on pantyhose. "Since when do you wear pantyhose?" "Since my wife found it in the glove compartment!"

Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.

Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.

A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!