2 Guys in a health club, one is putting on pantyhose. "Since when do you wear pantyhose?" "Since my wife found it in the glove compartment!"

A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.

My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.

I asked a Jewish man, "Do you know where Michigan Avenue is?" He said, "Yes", and walked away.

The patient says, "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." "Then don't do that!"