I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'

Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.

Now, the band that inspired that great saying, "Stop The Music!!"

A guy complains of a headache. Another guy says, Do what I do. I put my head on my wife's bosom, and the headache goes away. The next day, the man says, Did you do what I told you to? Yes, I sure did. By the way, you have a nice house!

Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!

Two kangaroos were talking to each other, and one said, 'I hope it doesn't rain today. I hate it when the children play inside.

My wife lost all her credit cards, but I'm not going to report it. Whoever found them spends less than she does!