The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

2 Guys in a health club, one is putting on pantyhose. "Since when do you wear pantyhose?" "Since my wife found it in the glove compartment!"

"Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears." "Don't answer!"

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.

I said to my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?' She said, 'I want to go somewhere I've never been before.' I said, 'Try the kitchen.'

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!"