The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

A doctor says to a man, "You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day." Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, "How is your love life since you have been running?" "I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!"

Take my wife... Please!

The patient says, "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." "Then don't do that!"

I know a guy who had his doctor say, "Take some weight off, go to a health club." The man lost 20 pounds in one week! The machine tore his leg off!

College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.

My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.