What is a home without children? Quiet.
I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
Nurse: "Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office". Doctor: "Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in."
There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
In high school football, the coach kept me on the bench all year. On the last game of the season, the crowd was yelling, We want Youngman! We want Youngman! The coach says, Youngman - go see what they want!