I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope.

A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living."

Why does the New Italian navy have glass bottom boats? To see the Old Italian Navy!

I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in.