I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?

I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.

If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?

Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.

I was just in London - there is a 6 hour time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.