I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started.

"Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears." "Don't answer!"

A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.

A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says, "You're crazy" The man says, "I want a second opinion!" "Okay, you're ugly too!"

While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.