My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.

I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'

I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.