My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.

My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.

"Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?" The doctor says, "Limp!"

2 Jewish women in New York. One says, "Do you see what's going on in Poland?" The other says, "I live in the back, I don't see anything."

I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.

A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.