I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can't wait to exchange.
The hitter asks the owner to give him a big raise so he can go somewhere he's never been, and the owner says "You mean third base?"
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
I've got two wonderful children - and two out of five isn't too bad.