On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?

I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, "Let's get up here before we get killed!"

A man goes to a psychiatrist. "Nobody listens to me!" The doctor says, "Next!"

Have you seen the new Polish jigsaw puzzle? One piece.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

I came home, the car was in the dining room. "How did you get the car in here?" "Easy, I took a left at the kitchen."

My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.