On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?

A man goes to a psychiatrist. "Nobody listens to me!" The doctor says, "Next!"

I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.

I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can't wait to exchange.

A man calls a lawyer's office. The phone is answered, Schwartz, Schwartz, Schwartz and Schwartz. The man says, Let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. I'm sorry, he's on vacation. Then let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. He's on a big case, not available for a week. Then let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. He's playing golf today. Okay, then, let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. Speaking.

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.