Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, "Huh. I lost 100 pounds!"
A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says, "You're crazy" The man says, "I want a second opinion!" "Okay, you're ugly too!"
I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.
My son is 21. He'll be 22 if I let him.
I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
Old teachers never die, they just grade away.