I came home, the car was in the dining room. "How did you get the car in here?" "Easy, I took a left at the kitchen."

There is no spark like the one ignited under the aspirations of a new graduate.

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.

Doctor says to a man, "You're pregnant!" The man says, "How does a man get pregnant?" The doctor says, "The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner...."

Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.

I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.