Have you seen the new Polish jigsaw puzzle? One piece.

What is a home without children? Quiet.

I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.

I don't fly on account of my religion. I'm a devout coward.

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There is water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake."

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.