The more I think of you, the less I think of you.

A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope.

A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says, "You're crazy" The man says, "I want a second opinion!" "Okay, you're ugly too!"

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

Two kangaroos were talking to each other, and one said, 'I hope it doesn't rain today. I hate it when the children play inside.

The patient says, "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." "Then don't do that!"