He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.

You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.

She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate.

Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

I went out with a girl last night. She wasn't a Lana Turner. She was more of a stomach turner.

A man calls a lawyer's office. The phone is answered, Schwartz, Schwartz, Schwartz and Schwartz. The man says, Let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. I'm sorry, he's on vacation. Then let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. He's on a big case, not available for a week. Then let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. He's playing golf today. Okay, then, let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. Speaking.