I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.
My wife lost all her credit cards, but I'm not going to report it. Whoever found them spends less than she does!
My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!
A man goes to a psychiatrist. "Nobody listens to me!" The doctor says, "Next!"
This man dresses like an unmade bed.
I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?