I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can't wait to exchange.

I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, "Which way do I go?" But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...

My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.

Old teachers never die, they just grade away.

A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There is water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake."

The food on the plane was fit for a king. "Here, King!"