A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"

My brother-in-law had to give up his last job because of illness. His boss became sick of him.

Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

My wife loves to shop at Bloomingdale's. I bring her mail there twice a week.

A Polish man in a helicopter. Goes up to 800 feet. Down it comes! What happened? "It got chilly up there, so I turned off the fan!"

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.