I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'
A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.
My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.
The hitter asks the owner to give him a big raise so he can go somewhere he's never been, and the owner says "You mean third base?"