A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"

A doctor says to a man, "You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day." Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, "How is your love life since you have been running?" "I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!"

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I was a bottle baby.

He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.

I know a guy who had his doctor say, "Take some weight off, go to a health club." The man lost 20 pounds in one week! The machine tore his leg off!

The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.

I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?