The hitter asks the owner to give him a big raise so he can go somewhere he's never been, and the owner says "You mean third base?"

There is no spark like the one ignited under the aspirations of a new graduate.

A Polish man in a helicopter. Goes up to 800 feet. Down it comes! What happened? "It got chilly up there, so I turned off the fan!"

My wife has a black belt in shopping.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

When you battle with your conscience and lose, you win.

I asked a Jewish man, "Do you know where Michigan Avenue is?" He said, "Yes", and walked away.