The hitter asks the owner to give him a big raise so he can go somewhere he's never been, and the owner says "You mean third base?"

I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, "Which way do I go?" But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...

A man goes to a psychiatrist. "Nobody listens to me!" The doctor says, "Next!"

A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, "Can I park here?" "No" says the cop. "What about all these other cars?" "They didn't ask!"

I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!

The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!