The hitter asks the owner to give him a big raise so he can go somewhere he's never been, and the owner says "You mean third base?"

If, as the scientist say, sex is such a driving force, why is so much of it nowadays found parked?

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

When you battle with your conscience and lose, you win.

My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There is water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake."

Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.