The hitter asks the owner to give him a big raise so he can go somewhere he's never been, and the owner says "You mean third base?"

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

What is a home without children? Quiet.

Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says, "You're crazy" The man says, "I want a second opinion!" "Okay, you're ugly too!"

I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.

Those bellhops in Miami are tip-happy. I ordered a deck of playing cards and the bellboy made fifty-two trips to my room.