The hitter asks the owner to give him a big raise so he can go somewhere he's never been, and the owner says "You mean third base?"

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I was a bottle baby.

My son is 21. He'll be 22 if I let him.

I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in.

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.

Have you seen the new Polish jigsaw puzzle? One piece.