I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There is water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake."

I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.

Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.

It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.

A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!

I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.