I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There is water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake."

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

The Doctor says, "You'll live to be 60!" "I AM 60!" "See, what did I tell you?"

I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.

Nurse: "Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office". Doctor: "Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in."

I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.

My wife and I got remarried. Our divorce didn't work out.