I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There is water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake."

Two kangaroos were talking to each other, and one said, 'I hope it doesn't rain today. I hate it when the children play inside.

I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, "Give me a table near a waiter."

I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.

It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.