I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There is water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake."

My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.

2 Jewish women in New York. One says, "Do you see what's going on in Poland?" The other says, "I live in the back, I don't see anything."

My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.

My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, "Where are you going?" My wife said, "I must be late, everyone is all coming back!"

I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.

The Doctor says, "You'll live to be 60!" "I AM 60!" "See, what did I tell you?"