Nurse: "Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office". Doctor: "Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in."

There is no spark like the one ignited under the aspirations of a new graduate.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

I think the world of you...and you know what condition the world is in today.

On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?

I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.

A man goes to a barbershop and asks, How many ahead of me? Five. The man leaves. He comes back the next day and asks, How many ahead of me? Four. The man leaves. He comes back the next day and asks, How many ahead of me? Six. The man leaves, and the barber says to another, Follow that man! The man comes back and says, He goes to your house!