Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.

I bought my wife a little Italian car. A Mafia. It has a hood under the hood.

My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.

It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.

If, as the scientist say, sex is such a driving force, why is so much of it nowadays found parked?

I asked a Jewish man, "Do you know where Michigan Avenue is?" He said, "Yes", and walked away.