Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.

I bought my wife a little Italian car. A Mafia. It has a hood under the hood.

I've got enough money to last the rest of my life ... as long as I die about four o'clock this afternoon.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, "Which way do I go?" But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...