Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

The Doctor says, "You'll live to be 60!" "I AM 60!" "See, what did I tell you?"

If, as the scientist say, sex is such a driving force, why is so much of it nowadays found parked?

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.

I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.

My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.