A priest is sent to Alaska. A bishop goes up to visit one year later. The bishop asks, How do you like it up here? The priest says, If it wasn't for my Rosary, and 2 martinis a day, I'd be lost. Bishop, would you like a martini? Yes. Rosary, get the bishop a martini!

There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.

"Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears." "Don't answer!"

A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife." "So you're single!"

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

I've got two wonderful children - and two out of five isn't too bad.

Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.