How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'

A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says, "You're crazy" The man says, "I want a second opinion!" "Okay, you're ugly too!"

Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, "Huh. I lost 100 pounds!"

Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.

The hitter asks the owner to give him a big raise so he can go somewhere he's never been, and the owner says "You mean third base?"

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.

A man goes to a psychiatrist. "Nobody listens to me!" The doctor says, "Next!"