Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
If I had blood, I'd blush.
Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.