Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

The patient says, "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." "Then don't do that!"

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.

In high school football, the coach kept me on the bench all year. On the last game of the season, the crowd was yelling, We want Youngman! We want Youngman! The coach says, Youngman - go see what they want!

My horse's jockey was hitting the horse. The horse turns around and says "Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!"

Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!"