The patient says, "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." "Then don't do that!"

A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.

Some people play a horse to win, some to place. I should have bet this horse to live.

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.

A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.

This man dresses like an unmade bed.

Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.