The patient says, "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." "Then don't do that!"

Old teachers never die, they just grade away.

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.

I just made a killing in the stock market -- I shot my broker.

If I had blood, I'd blush.

A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife." "So you're single!"

I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.