The doctor says to the patient, "Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window". "What will that do" asks the patient. The doctor says "I'm mad at my neighbor!".

She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, "Tut, Tut!"

I've got enough money to last the rest of my life ... as long as I die about four o'clock this afternoon.

I know a guy who had his doctor say, "Take some weight off, go to a health club." The man lost 20 pounds in one week! The machine tore his leg off!

Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.

"Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?" The doctor says, "Limp!"

The more I think of you, the less I think of you.