The doctor says to the patient, "Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window". "What will that do" asks the patient. The doctor says "I'm mad at my neighbor!".

A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says, "You're crazy" The man says, "I want a second opinion!" "Okay, you're ugly too!"

We were married for better or worse. I couldn't have done better, and she couldn't have done worse.

Don't move! I want to forget you just the way you are.

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

I know a guy who had his doctor say, "Take some weight off, go to a health club." The man lost 20 pounds in one week! The machine tore his leg off!

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.