The doctor says to the patient, "Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window". "What will that do" asks the patient. The doctor says "I'm mad at my neighbor!".

Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.

My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.

Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years.

I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.

I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?

A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living."