A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?
Let's get up here before we get killed!
Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. "Peanuts. Popcorn."
I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.