I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.
My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?
I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.