A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.

The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"

I just made a killing in the stock market -- I shot my broker.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did

My brother-in-law had to give up his last job because of illness. His boss became sick of him.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'