She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate.

A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living."

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I was a bottle baby.

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope.

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.

Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.