A little Jewish Grandma is at the Florida coast with her little Jewish Grandson. The grandson is playing on the beach when a big wave comes and washes the kid out to sea. The lifeguards swim out, bring him back to shore, the paramedics work on him for a long time, pumping the water out, reviving him. They turn to the Jewish Grandma, and say, we saved your grandson. The little Jewish Grandma says, He had a hat!

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.

I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?

A priest is sent to Alaska. A bishop goes up to visit one year later. The bishop asks, How do you like it up here? The priest says, If it wasn't for my Rosary, and 2 martinis a day, I'd be lost. Bishop, would you like a martini? Yes. Rosary, get the bishop a martini!

Three weeks ago, she learned how to drive. Last week she learned how to aim it.

The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.