If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.

Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.

Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.

Nurse: "Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office". Doctor: "Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in."

A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?