We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I was a bottle baby.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!

A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife." "So you're single!"