She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" "No, jump in!"

A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.

If I had blood, I'd blush.

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

I asked a Jewish man, "Do you know where Michigan Avenue is?" He said, "Yes", and walked away.

My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, "Where are you going?" My wife said, "I must be late, everyone is all coming back!"