2 Jewish women in New York. One says, "Do you see what's going on in Poland?" The other says, "I live in the back, I don't see anything."

On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?

The Doctor says, "You'll live to be 60!" "I AM 60!" "See, what did I tell you?"

Doctor says to a man, "You're pregnant!" The man says, "How does a man get pregnant?" The doctor says, "The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner...."

The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.

When you battle with your conscience and lose, you win.